Falling in love is one of the greatest – and at times most painful – times in a person’s life.
Whether it is love at first sight from across a crowded room or someone who has been right in front of you the whole time that you just didn’t notice, the start of a relationship is always exciting.
The laughter, the love, the passion, the memorable moments feel as though they will go on forever and you feel on top of the world. Unfortunately, the pain sets in when you or the other person no longer feel the same connection you once did.
So what happened? How did the two of you get here? Chances are, it was due to one of the following reasons:
The Honeymoon Is Over
For many couples, the start of a new relationship is exciting due to the unknown; every day feels like a new adventure. Your passion is high, the fun times seem to be never-ending, and you don’t know what the next day will bring the two of you.
But after a while, all of the excitement fades – aside from some truly lucky couples who have figured out how to keep the exciting moments going years after they began dating.
When the excitement starts to dwindle, many people believe that they have fallen out of love, especially when the pressures of life kick in – like bills or kids. For some, the littlest things like not taking out the trash turn into major fights when the honeymoon ends. Even the things you once loved about your partner begin to annoy you in this phase. That’s when the two of you begin taking each other for granted and become fixated on the negative things.
Try to focus on the positive attributes your partner has and you’ll soon start to appreciate them again and see this is the person you still want to spend the rest of your life with.
Frequent, Nit-Picky Arguments
Communication is the key to any relationship thriving, as hard as it can be for some people. When couples don’t communicate, both parties are in a constant struggle for control assuming the other knows specifically what you want. This often leads to combative arguments filled with drama and name-calling. Your partner may even play dirty and dig up everything you’ve ever done wrong or your family members that have nothing to do with the reason you’re arguing. This tends to lead you into thinking your significant other is the enemy and not your ally.
In more extreme cases, you may feel insecure or unsafe. Talk to your partner about it! If they don’t change the way they argue with you, it may lead to you feeling anger, shame, and fear. At that point, it may be too late. Suggest couples therapy to learn how to heal instead of attack each other by turning the anger into effective communication.
Note: If you EVER feel in danger – it may be time to cut your losses. Safety should always be your number one priority!
Even if you avoid the dirty fights, make sure you never finish an argument or disagreement with any conflict left. Just giving in for the sake of ending a fight will eventually leave you full of resentment.
If you, your partner, or both of you aren’t good at conflict and choose to ignore each other instead, your love will be replaced by anger. Holding grudges or being vindictive or passive-aggressive isn’t helping either one of you.
Always talk every disagreement out to the end and get the issue resolved before it snowballs into an avalanche.
A Lack Of A Solid Foundation
You likely have been in a relationship in the past where after time you realize you mistook love for lust. This happens to just about everyone at some point.
Even if your relationship began without a clear understanding of the level of commitment the two of you have and you feel your partner was unfaithful, but really they didn’t consider your handful of dates as being in a relationship, or it started by you cheating on your former girl/boyfriend, it is more than likely ultimately doomed.
Basically, relationships that start out wrong usually can’t stay right through the rollercoaster ride that is life.